SARAH HUNTER aka Nicotine: One of three women who first publicly alleged abuse by the same individual on the US steampunk scene, after Esmé Bianco’s Manson claims (photo: Jim Jochetz)
Netflix’s Surviving R. Kelly documentary
During lockdown, after the requisite Tiger King binge on Netflix, I watched another Netflix documentary series (still available) called Surviving R. Kelly (8).
It detailed decades of rape, physical and psychological torture, grooming, kidnapping and sexual slavery at the hands of the famed singer, and featured harrowing rescue attempts — both successful and unsuccessful — by the families of young women living with him.
Many of these women claimed at the time that they were there of their own free will. But as many know, cult-like indoctrination and brainwashing can produce this effect on people. And the ones that escaped have testified to the opposite: they did not consent.
When the documentary aired, many previous collaborators condemned him — including Lady Gaga, John Legend, and R. Kelly’s record label, which dropped him.
In a widely quoted interview by NPR TV critic Eric Deggans, the Netflix documentary’s executive producer Dream Hampton (9) said: “I knew that it took dozens, if not hundreds of people, for R. Kelly to operate as long as he has in the way that he has.”
What if the widespread whispers of abuse had been enough back in the early ’90s to cancel Kelly before the release of Bump and Grind?
What if the R. Kelly momentum had been stopped in 1994 — when, aged 27, he married 15-year-old singer Aaliyah, two years before releasing I Believe I Can Fly, and becoming a household name?
What appears to be consent may well not be, particularly in cases involving known or rumoured predators, very young women, cohabitation and a significant power imbalance.
While many of the victims involved might not out their abuser while under that person’s spell, that does not mean that the abuse never happened.
Esmé Bianco accuses Marilyn Manson
ESMÉ BIANCO: British actress and model suing
ex-partner Marilyn Manson for alleged abuse
Many former Marilyn Manson fans were left horrified when Esmé Bianco — British Game of Thrones actress and former Torture Garden fashion model — outed him as her abuser and torturer (10).
And though I didn’t know it at the time, her action would start a domino effect that would culminate, for me, in the ending of a relationship of my own.
In an interview with The Cut magazine and this Instagram quote extracted from it on February 11, Esmé said:
“I am naming the person who abused and human trafficked me. His name is Marilyn Manson, born Brian Hugh Warner.
“I am coming forward after years of living with the unthinkable trauma I endured at the hands of the serial predator known to many as Marilyn Manson.
“I am speaking up now, in my own way, and sharing this story with others because he must be held accountable…”
Esmé went on to add details alleging Manson’s use of physical violence, food control and psychological torture, and his misuse of kinkspeak to disguise the true nature of their relationship.
She is now suing him in the Los Angeles Federal Court for sexual assault, sexual battery and violating human trafficking laws.
Amy posts about ‘similar sounding ex’
Esmé’s words struck a chord with Hustler cover model and reptile breeder Amy Wilder. On February 10, 2021 she posted on Facebook that Esmé’s revelations brought back memories of her five-year relationship with a similar sounding man, stating:
“‘Agree to this or I will break up with you’ is NOT getting consent. He’s not ‘poly’, he’s a serial cheater, he’s not ‘kinky’, he gets off on making people do things they don’t like. He shows personal photos and videos to others freely without permission, he defames the characters of the women that love and trust him, he uses people for money, for free labor, and for gratification.
“He uses kindness and favors to gaslight the people he traumatises. I don’t care who believes me, I don’t care how he tries to defame me. If this saves one single person from getting hurt like so many others,
it’s worth it.“
Sarah reports issues with same man
Her statement was reinforced on Facebook, also in February, then on Instagram on May 3, by another ex-girlfriend of the same man: steampunk muse and retired Playboy cover and fetish model Sarah Hunter (aka Nicotine) who had also dated him for five years. She stated:
“I dated and lived with him from 2010-2015. During that time, he emotionally manipulated me, gaslit me about things I had/had not said and done, and negged me about my body. He routinely insulted me, debased me, and encouraged me to engage in unhealthy diets.
“He belittled me for my behaviors, habits, and thought processes, which later were diagnosed as symptoms of ADHD… He encourages his partners to coerce other women sexually.
“He lies about his relationships with other women and shares intimate photos and videos without consent. He coerces women to engage in sexual activity and threatens to break up with them if they don’t consent…
“He ‘rescues’ people in desperate situations and then grooms them, making many of them his submissives, live-in domestics, and ‘interns’, encouraging his partners to ‘play’ with them. He often lies about the nature of these relationships. Many of the women involved are very young.”
Both statements were made public and attracted multiple affirming comments from people detailing experiences they claimed to have witnessed or suffered at the hands of this same man. One, Evelyn Faye, was underage at the time of her alleged grooming and is now hamstrung by the statute of limitations.
Shock effect of the allegations on me
I spent hours in a state of horror before reaching out to three of these women.
Because the man they were accusing was my then boyfriend: Thomas Dean Willeford, author, award-winning creator of steampunk-themed clothes and accessories and TV personality from Game Show Network’s Steampunk’d shows.
Brute Force Studios, the name of his Harrisburg, PA based company, suddenly took on a new meaning for me.
Thomas and I had been aware of each other for some years through our shared interest in the steampunk genre, and had first met in person for a professional chat and brainstorming session while he was visiting London in May 2019.
We kept in touch initially as friends, but during spring 2020 our long-distance relationship became romantic. By the beginning of 2021 we’d started to discuss moving in together, relocation, longterm projects and more.
I had set aside dates to fly to America twice, before the lockdowns blocked easy travel. Through Facebook messages, video and voice chats, he confirmed that our relationship was monogamous and we were preparing for a serious future together.
But as I discovered, he had been telling his other girlfriend, Little Sebastien, the same story at the same time. I was able to compare dates and timings with her that confirmed it. Each of us had believed we were in a committed relationship, with no knowledge of the other’s existence.
On one occasion, he used my unfamiliarity with US geography to convince me he was in one part of the country when in fact he was in another, visiting her. On that visit, he had kept her waiting on a bed while he called me from another room for two hours. She told me that he described me as “a troubled ex in need of help”.
Relocating to move in with him was on her mind too. And neither of us knew the potential danger we were in until Esmé Bianco outed Marilyn Manson and triggered the allegations against Thomas by his ex-girlfriends.
My videos prompt numerous responses
While I had not been subjected to the same abuse alleged by other women, I was confident I could prove he had lied to me at least. I made video statements (11, 12) on Facebook on February 12 and 14 which prompted numerous responses.
More women came forward with allegations. Their claims included physical and psychological abuse, sex tourism involving underage girls, diet control, past and current live-in sex slaves (with striking parallels to the R. Kelly documentary), torture, and extreme narcissism.
Some of the public statements about Willeford — including those by Amy Wilder (13), Sarah Hunter (14) and myself (15) — are visible on OwlEyeView, a safeguarding blog resource edited by Brenna Kali Skirata.
In the wake of my video posts, at least nine women contacted me privately, the stories coming from different US states and even different countries, but all too similar to be coincidence.
Recurring features included targeting of women with autism and/or ADD, particular trigger phrases, and a preference for significant age gaps*.
(*Age gaps are not necessarily a warning sign on their own — just as a car parked outside a bank is not a concern on its own. But add an engine running, a balaclava, an open door, a siren and a person running out with a bag of cash, and a fuller picture develops.)
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